I need answers from airmen ONLY!!!?
I just talked to my husband he is at lackland AFB in San Antonio Tx.He just told he he didn't know if he would be able to graduate on time because he failed something on his pt.Have you or anyone you know failed a part of the pt and still graduated on time.I am kinda worried because It would be extremly expensive to book another flight like 300 more dollars.Any advice would be helpful!!! what is chaptered out?
Military - 9 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It sounds like he failed a portion of his physical fitness test and that is cause not to graduate. If he passes his retest he should graduate on time. If not he may be chaptered out for failing to meet physical standards under the trainee discharge program.
2 :
He could ask the DI to re-take the part he failed, he'll prob be allowed only 1 chance to pass with out being recycled, Good Luck. Vet-USAF 44MMS CHAPTER-ED OUT MEANS DISCHARGED
3 :
It is a requirement to pass the physical fitness test in order to graduate. It is possible that if he fails a retest they can wash him back to another flight. But the Air Force doesn't need as many new recruits as the other services, so "chapter out" would mean releasing him from active duty.
4 :
Physical fitness is finally becoming a priority in the USAF. When I went through basic training (1995), I failed the situp portion of the test. I was retested and passed. Some didn't pass the retest and were tested again. I think they all graduated on time. Normally if you at least show improvement between tests, they won't get rid of you. He may be recycled, or sent back one week, if he continues to have problems. If he can't pass the test due to medical reasons, he may get discharged. I knew a guy that had that happen.
5 :
If he failed any part of his PT test he can be set back in training. Meaning he leaves the unit he has been with the whole time and put in with a new unit which is a week, two weeks, three weeks.....behind him. He can also be given another chance to pass his PT test. He usually will only have one chance and will have to redo the whole test and pass the whole test. There is no such thing as just retaking one part and not the other parts along with it. He has to be retested exactly the same way as everyone else was and the same way he was tested the time he failed. The whole point of a PT test is to see if you are in the proper physical condition for the AFand they have the indurance to pass the test the way it is established. For example, if he failed the run he can't just redo the run. He needs to redo the push up's and sit up's that are done just prior to running because you have to be able to do all areas to get the same results. Either your husband is physically fit to pass the whole test or he's not. If he is not and he fails a retest if they allow him to try one more time while still being in his current unit, he will be set back if they believe further training will help him pass at a later date. If her fails a retest and they don't think any additional training will help him get to where he needs to be than they can separate him from boot camp and send him home. If this happens he will not be eligible in the future to enlist in the AF but would probably be allowed to get a waiver to enlist in another branch. The cost of the plane ticket should be the last thing you are worrying about right now. I know it is a lot of money to repurchase another ticket for another time, but if he is separated you will have a different problem to worry about if you really needed him to succeed in the military to help your family. He needs to make sure he knows all his choices when it comes to this PT failure. Good luck Boot camp is boot camp. The rules are the same regardless if it is the AF or any other branch. Lots of none airmen can help you with your questions. Lots of years of experience first hand are here for people like you with questions.
6 :
Just because you are a HOMOSAPIEN doesnt mean you are a CAVEMAN
7 :
He could end up getting RECYCLED back a class or two untill he meets the standards for the PT Test. http://www.airforce.com/training/enlisted/index.php the website might have some answers for you
8 :
He will just get set back a few weeks until he can pass the PT. And just reschedule your flight.
9 :
That is not true that he can not just retest the part he failed. When I was at basic a friend of mine failed her pushups. They gave her one more chance to try and pass, all she had to retest was the pushup portion not the ENTIRE test all over again. She ended up failing again, and got recycled back at the start of our 5th week, but she got recycled back into a flight that was in the 4th week, it only put her back 1 week. The worse you might have to do is pay $50 to change the date on your tickets, you shouldn't have to buy a whole nother ticket. If he ends up getting washed back and recycled to another flight, remember to be supportive, he's under enough stress and probably feels bad so try to tell him that you're still proud of him, and he can do it.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Flying alone for the first time- Scared to death, HELP
Flying alone for the first time- Scared to death, HELP!?
Hey guys! I'm 13 and i'm flying alone for the first time Saturday. I've flown a million times but always with someone. I live in washington and i fly to las vegas then i fly to san antonio texas. . all together a 7 hour journey but a five hour flight. (i have to switch planes in las vegas, but i'll be there alone for 2 hours! ) Okay, so pretty much i need advice. I already hate flying i get really nervous and my stomach starts to hurt and i can't breathe the whole flight and i think i'm gonna crash or something! (don't know why) what should i do to keep my mind off of the flight, and my mind off the negative thoughts? also, what should I do when i'm in las vegas for two hours!? Nice answers, please. -hana(:
Air Travel - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
just fly yourself,jump out of the aircraft LOL
2 :
i do too get that queesy feeling. take an ipod or book and calm yourself by enjoying music. nothing will happen. keep telling yourself that. also communicate with people sitting next to you. try to befriend them so you wont feel so alone. also gum helps me relax or sucking on jolly ranchers?
3 :
Same problem for me. Get travel sickness bands for each wrist, read a book/magazine or listen to your ipod on the flight to take your mind off it. I would go and sit down in a cafe and have something to eat or drink, look around the shops and maybe do a bit of reading or listen to music and just be slightly earlier to you departure lounge if your early.
Hey guys! I'm 13 and i'm flying alone for the first time Saturday. I've flown a million times but always with someone. I live in washington and i fly to las vegas then i fly to san antonio texas. . all together a 7 hour journey but a five hour flight. (i have to switch planes in las vegas, but i'll be there alone for 2 hours! ) Okay, so pretty much i need advice. I already hate flying i get really nervous and my stomach starts to hurt and i can't breathe the whole flight and i think i'm gonna crash or something! (don't know why) what should i do to keep my mind off of the flight, and my mind off the negative thoughts? also, what should I do when i'm in las vegas for two hours!? Nice answers, please. -hana(:
Air Travel - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
just fly yourself,jump out of the aircraft LOL
2 :
i do too get that queesy feeling. take an ipod or book and calm yourself by enjoying music. nothing will happen. keep telling yourself that. also communicate with people sitting next to you. try to befriend them so you wont feel so alone. also gum helps me relax or sucking on jolly ranchers?
3 :
Same problem for me. Get travel sickness bands for each wrist, read a book/magazine or listen to your ipod on the flight to take your mind off it. I would go and sit down in a cafe and have something to eat or drink, look around the shops and maybe do a bit of reading or listen to music and just be slightly earlier to you departure lounge if your early.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
airport security
airport security?
are the airports such as san antonio and las vegas ones always open? the reason i ask is im considering stayin over night at an airport to save money but am concerned about the security, will just anyone be able to come into the airport after the last flight, or will there be security making sure whos bringin in what at all hours? or do they lock the doors at a certain time?
Air Travel - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You should call the Airport Auth. for each airport and ask them. Find their website and there should be a number you can call to see what hours the airport is open. In alot of cases after the last inbound flt. arrives at an airport the airport will close after the last passengers have left the airport.
2 :
That varies from airport to airport, for the most part. At the vast majority of airports, the concourses close, and access is denied to everyone except those that have proper access (airline employees, airport PD, etc.). If I'm not mistaken, pretty much ALL airports are closed for at least a while, so it's best to sleep on the "public" side of security to avoid being woken up in the middle of your slumber. I know that at Phoenix Sky Harbor, they close for a few hours (late late at night), though I'm not sure about Las Vegas. When I was in Las Vegas, I was on the next to last flight out, so while it was late out, the last flight hadn't actually left yet, so the area was still open (at least to people who had tickets anyway). But after the concourses close, usually security (or the airport PD) will check to make sure nobody's hanging around, and if they are, they usually get escorted out.
3 :
some terminal in the airport closes after the last flight has departed. staying to sleep overnight in an airport is safe. it is watch over by security personnel 24 hours a day 7 days a week. i have tried sleeping in the airport, cold silent a really nice place to sleep.
are the airports such as san antonio and las vegas ones always open? the reason i ask is im considering stayin over night at an airport to save money but am concerned about the security, will just anyone be able to come into the airport after the last flight, or will there be security making sure whos bringin in what at all hours? or do they lock the doors at a certain time?
Air Travel - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You should call the Airport Auth. for each airport and ask them. Find their website and there should be a number you can call to see what hours the airport is open. In alot of cases after the last inbound flt. arrives at an airport the airport will close after the last passengers have left the airport.
2 :
That varies from airport to airport, for the most part. At the vast majority of airports, the concourses close, and access is denied to everyone except those that have proper access (airline employees, airport PD, etc.). If I'm not mistaken, pretty much ALL airports are closed for at least a while, so it's best to sleep on the "public" side of security to avoid being woken up in the middle of your slumber. I know that at Phoenix Sky Harbor, they close for a few hours (late late at night), though I'm not sure about Las Vegas. When I was in Las Vegas, I was on the next to last flight out, so while it was late out, the last flight hadn't actually left yet, so the area was still open (at least to people who had tickets anyway). But after the concourses close, usually security (or the airport PD) will check to make sure nobody's hanging around, and if they are, they usually get escorted out.
3 :
some terminal in the airport closes after the last flight has departed. staying to sleep overnight in an airport is safe. it is watch over by security personnel 24 hours a day 7 days a week. i have tried sleeping in the airport, cold silent a really nice place to sleep.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Are there tricks to getting the cheapest deals on flights a week before flying
Are there tricks to getting the cheapest deals on flights a week before flying?
I'm trying to get a good deal on plane tickets. I was wondering if there were any online tricks to finding discount codes or what not or unique ways of finding cheap flights. I am planing on going to see my fiance in the Air Force on April 15th - April 18th, from Sioux Falls, SD to San Antonio, TX, but I don't have money till April 9th. It will only be $606. I'm noticing how high the prices are getting though. Is it because of Easter coming up or something? I just really need to get the best possible deal on a flight for those days (roundtrip.) If anyone works for an airline company or just has tricks up their sleeves to help me find the best deal on my flight, you have no idea how much you would be helping me out. It would be the most important favor anyone could do for me. I'm going out there to propose to my future wife and I don't know if I'll have enough money to make it out there and pay for taxis and hotel costs with the plane ticket prices rising the way they are.
Air Travel - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
try Hotwire.com
2 :
The closer you get to the date of the flight, the more the ticket is going to cost. That's true no matter what time of year it is. Easter's not till April 24 this year, so it's not affecting the price of your trip. However, lots of schools have a Spring Break in April, so families go on vacation. Good old supply vs demand dictates that the prices will go up then as well.
3 :
Sorry, but what roofing said. The closer to departure, the more expensive it will be and there are no tricks that will help.
4 :
You never can tell. Sometimes the flights are half empty and they dump tickets for flights a week or so in advance to try to get something for the empty seats. In 2009 I flew round trip to Paris from Houston for a little over $300. I could not get days off from work, so I actually spent two nights and only one full day in Paris- enough to get some photos and souvenirs- but HEY! It was only $311 total! LOL. Log into travel and ticket websites and just click for them to send you bargains to your email. You get a LOT of junk mail this way, but if you take your time and sort through it, you do find diamonds here and there. I already booked my trip to Manila this Spring, but I found a deal from China Air to Manila and back for little over $800- half price for what I paid! LOL. The bargain flights are definitely out there. Seek and you will find- LOL.
5 :
If you book you air tickets through online travel portal, you will surely cut the expenses and it will be money saving move. Some online travel portals offer special offers & discount coupons on the cheap air ticket deal. However, finding the cheapest air ticket is not everybody's cup of tea. I have already booked my air tickets from Globester at very affordable rate with special discount.Hope it helps you..
6 :
Sometimes airlines have what is called a weekend fare special. Delta emails me specials around each Tuesday or Wednesday for travel that weekend. Therefore you have to pretty much make up your mind that you are flying that weekend. However there are not a lot of flights out of Sioux Falls so I would suggest you see what major airport is near where you live such as Minneapolis. Just know that you should have bought your tickets a long time ago as airfare does go up as you get closer to your travel date. You can go to http://www.kayak.com or http://www.orbitz.com and see if you can buy a travel package which includes airfare, car rental and hotel cost. Sometimes you can get a price break when you bundle your purchase.
I'm trying to get a good deal on plane tickets. I was wondering if there were any online tricks to finding discount codes or what not or unique ways of finding cheap flights. I am planing on going to see my fiance in the Air Force on April 15th - April 18th, from Sioux Falls, SD to San Antonio, TX, but I don't have money till April 9th. It will only be $606. I'm noticing how high the prices are getting though. Is it because of Easter coming up or something? I just really need to get the best possible deal on a flight for those days (roundtrip.) If anyone works for an airline company or just has tricks up their sleeves to help me find the best deal on my flight, you have no idea how much you would be helping me out. It would be the most important favor anyone could do for me. I'm going out there to propose to my future wife and I don't know if I'll have enough money to make it out there and pay for taxis and hotel costs with the plane ticket prices rising the way they are.
Air Travel - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
try Hotwire.com
2 :
The closer you get to the date of the flight, the more the ticket is going to cost. That's true no matter what time of year it is. Easter's not till April 24 this year, so it's not affecting the price of your trip. However, lots of schools have a Spring Break in April, so families go on vacation. Good old supply vs demand dictates that the prices will go up then as well.
3 :
Sorry, but what roofing said. The closer to departure, the more expensive it will be and there are no tricks that will help.
4 :
You never can tell. Sometimes the flights are half empty and they dump tickets for flights a week or so in advance to try to get something for the empty seats. In 2009 I flew round trip to Paris from Houston for a little over $300. I could not get days off from work, so I actually spent two nights and only one full day in Paris- enough to get some photos and souvenirs- but HEY! It was only $311 total! LOL. Log into travel and ticket websites and just click for them to send you bargains to your email. You get a LOT of junk mail this way, but if you take your time and sort through it, you do find diamonds here and there. I already booked my trip to Manila this Spring, but I found a deal from China Air to Manila and back for little over $800- half price for what I paid! LOL. The bargain flights are definitely out there. Seek and you will find- LOL.
5 :
If you book you air tickets through online travel portal, you will surely cut the expenses and it will be money saving move. Some online travel portals offer special offers & discount coupons on the cheap air ticket deal. However, finding the cheapest air ticket is not everybody's cup of tea. I have already booked my air tickets from Globester at very affordable rate with special discount.Hope it helps you..
6 :
Sometimes airlines have what is called a weekend fare special. Delta emails me specials around each Tuesday or Wednesday for travel that weekend. Therefore you have to pretty much make up your mind that you are flying that weekend. However there are not a lot of flights out of Sioux Falls so I would suggest you see what major airport is near where you live such as Minneapolis. Just know that you should have bought your tickets a long time ago as airfare does go up as you get closer to your travel date. You can go to http://www.kayak.com or http://www.orbitz.com and see if you can buy a travel package which includes airfare, car rental and hotel cost. Sometimes you can get a price break when you bundle your purchase.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Ladies, my wife is beautiful, sexy, vibrant, smart, loving, giving, and so afraid and insecure and gone...help
Ladies, my wife is beautiful, sexy, vibrant, smart, loving, giving, and so afraid and insecure and gone...help
No blame game here...simply arrogantly self-stupid observations by a truly hurting me. I deeply love my wife, but her family hurt, and still hurts her so badly that at 50 she has left her third husband, me, (though she says she is coming back) and I know why she is so messed up, but her inner demons won't even allow us to talk about it. We have good insurance and have been in therapy for a while, but she is so charming she fools the therapist (s). I am not perfect. I have problems. I am a good man. I am strong. I have been hurt and alone in the world like so many others. I am a fool who sees the folly in this world too well at times. I have been loyal and fought great, great battles to save my wife's life physically for over 7 years. Now, I now am powerless to solve my wife's one great illness...a fragile soul. She watched her bio father beat her mother for 2 1/2 years. Her mother left her with an emotionally empty and abusive grandmother for four more years. Her mother and step-father treated her well, but never really the same as her half-siblings. She played basketball and was on the dance team in high school, working to pay for the uniforms, camp fees, and the like. When she married too young, her mother disowned her because the boy was black (I know him. Good guy, problems too though like all of us.) After a few years, my wife divorced him after he began cheating because her expectations were so unrealistically high that she cut him off, like her mother "punished her to teach her a lesson." She became sarcastic, demeaning, disrespectful and stopped the cariños (she's a South-Texas Mèxicaña) in and out of the bed. He has gone on to be an attorney and a junior college president. In her early 20's she's back in South Texas at a university studying, living, having 20 something lovers, mostly naval officers in flight school, while avoiding anything close to responsibility to or for others. ( It's ironic, we lived one building away from each other then and went to the same college at the same time) She had lots of girl friends but was so lonely and hurting inside she quit life and her professional job and moved to Austin in her early thirties. Worked as a state auditor, suffered as she partied away, found God, found husband 2, not a nice guy...but not that bad either...resentfulness, irresponsiblity crept in while pretending to herself to be responsible...cuts him off like #1 and he cheats after she leaves him, and she blames him for everything. Divorce. Along comes me, also divorced from my 1st after a 20 year marriage and 3 kids. This time we live two doors and a stairwell away from each other. I offered to and helped her move a sofa to her apartment with another neighbor. I wanted to get to know her, but thought it would be to creepy to knock on her door and ask her out. One year later she knocks at my door with a petition trying to get the drug dealing kids next to her evicted...I sign...give phone #...next day same kids are threatening her...I rushed over and made kids behave respectful as they move out...scared them (I was a soldier and street urchin in the hood back in the day). It's summer, she's a teacher and beautiful. I'm a teacher and thinks she's cute...we play tennis, hike, bike, fall in love...marry a year and half after I convince her I'm decent...I had to show my credit report, back-ground check, hire mariachi's, learn Spanish better to talk to her older relatives, prove I was tamed Tiger...I'm a bolillo (white-boy) who lived and fought in the tough hispanic streets of south and west San Antonio and raised myself alone literally (dad and mom slipped away one at a time) since I was 14, but who got to go to college (GI Bill) anyway. She was afraid I'd leave her and cheat. I fought to get her. And now I'm fighting to keep her and not be # 3. She's at her parents right now because I'm driving her "crazy" because I want to talk about taking care of our future. I'm an English teacher by choice, a romantic by calling, and one lean, mean earning machine with an MBA who has made some damn lucky investments over the years, am only four years away from a full, paid retirement, and live in a state that is paying for me to attend a great law school part-time (being a soldier and staying alive was good to me)... what a great life...problem is the woman I love always runs away from responsibility...yeah, she ran away from Austin after about 8 years too, and every time she ran she financed it with her retirement money. She is 50, has no money, not enough time to actually earn a retirement from teaching like I have, or earn more in a second career like I hope, and I am willing to (and do) finance independent retirement accounts for her, but she is running away from me because she is insecure and afraid that after law school and some young cutie thang will seduce me away. She is unable, and I mean unable to talk about any real issue honestly, no she is not a liar, just supremely avoidant. I'm rambling forgive me. I worked at bringing her family back together, but I did not know they had isoloated everyone in the world due to some great unknown fear that I think comes out of the past (her family suffered greatly during the Mexican Revolution of the early 1900's...great depravity occurred...war really is hell...my wife's family won't answer their front door, answer the phone until after a message is left, and is flat broke because like her they won't think about the now or the future because of whatever ghosts haunt them from the past...they think I'm crazy because I'm not afraid to negotiate with repairmen, tell street thugs to keep their distance, or because I challenge religious frauds. I can not let the world hurt me. I would have died a long time ago. And, I have three children, and I thought a wife, to shepard. And now she has run away from me for the third time...and every time it is the day I must take my children home after a longish vistitation. And, they love her, she loves them, but she can't love too much or she gets so damn afraid she won't answer the telephone of life and slams the door of love. It's driving me insane. Help! Help! Help! How do I live with a woman who can't love too long without resenting getting loved, or won't think about her future, or won't make love to me anymore even though I'm a giving, faithful lover...a woman who has run away from me because she has been running away from herself her entire adulthood to keep the dad who beat her mom out of her mind, to keep the mom who refused to feed her when she asked at 23 yrs old out of her mind as punishment because she married a black man, who ran away from another man and his children because, because, because, she runs away.... I'm empty I survived incredible evil as a child, endured and still suffer the from the evil of war, lived after my three babies were ripped from me by divorce, fought arrogant and ignorant doctors like hell to keep this woman I cherish alive, but..............I can't fight this demon inside her that is tearing me apart and creating a void in my soul that I think will never go away if she stays away like she has the other two husbands and other lovers before me. I never knew agape love before my first daughter was born. In fact I think my first wife left me because I don't think I could love at all back then. Now, I love my lover and best friend like I'll never be able to love again... She tells me I talk too much. She yells for me to "Stop Yelling!!!" when I whisper I love her after trying to explain to her calmly that...Yes, she really does need to know where the natural gas cut-off valve is in this beautiful house of ours. She tells me I'm crazy as she breaks the beautiful things we have collected during our travels. She has left me because "You are driving me crazy!!! It's your sanity or mine. Why do you have to talk about things? Why can't we just love each other like my folks? We don't need to talk!" She lies about herself to the therapists and to herself. I love her. I'm not cheating. I found my soulmate, but the devil found her first. I'm a teacher of English, forgive my lack of brevity, my sloppy style, my non-proofing, Faulkner -esque stream-of-bullsh*t. As she pleads, I'll stop talking. Ladies, please...how do I make her come back and stay with me until we die together like in the books I must read?
Marriage & Divorce - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
you're such a nice guy for some bondaged- unwilling- to- be- released pretty gal. forget about her looks & let others love you like you deserved.
2 :
What a shame she doesn't realize what a wonderful, loving, caring man she has/had. I cannot begin to advise you about a woman with so many issues. It must be extremely frustrating for you honey. All I can offer is my best wishes for you and your family.
3 :
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I read that WHOLE thing and I don't know what to say, but after havign read it all I feel obligated to say something. Sounds like you are smothering her maybe a bit too much, expecting things of her that are important to you, but not her. Take it easy, do as she says and relax. Yeah she should know things like how to turn off the natural gas, but really, how many women know how to do that and strive to actually learn things like that? So once you get her back actually stop all the talking and maybe start listening to her. Stop sweating the small stuff. You guys are in your 50's you say? A little late in the game for her to make any real lifestyle changes about the way she thinks so your ONLY option is to cater to her way of thinking....that is if you want to keep her. She sounds very stubborn but like I said, you're not going to change her, you can only meet her at least halfway which is all that is expected in any relationship. Good luck to you Sir.
4 :
I do feel for you, For one thing life isnt a "Fairy Tale", and two, Relationships arent ever, ever perfect..you are her third husband from what I understand....She wasnt over her first, or her second to begin w/, nor did she "Have a self"..In order to have a relationship w/ anyone you need to "Have self worth"..There also needs to be Communication...Key Word to any relationship..I have this friend..She was in a relationship/Married to her second husband for goin on twelve years, together w/ him for thirteen..They were together through thick and thin,..then a tragedy happened..They bought their first real home..she was pregnant five and a half mos w/ their second Son, He worked two jobs, He worked his ass off for his family through all of the marriage, until they were both faced that he had to have a spinal fusion(back surgery) done..one month after their true first home loan closed..It was the start of a "Total Devastation" that would be the fallout of their thirteen year relationship almost five years later..Hes now hopped up on pills for pain that might be, or might not be there.He also went into deep depression when he had to have another spinal fusion a year later from another disc blowing, and having his motherinlaw move in, and help w/ the children...She bore his third son in May of 07, almost lost her life to Eclampsia a week after giving birth to him..almost lost their sons life during her labor..the whole entire time of about three years, and more he cheated on her via internet, in a virtual reality world, and who knows how many physically now..He made a deal w/ her..saying that they could have a "Internet business" together..promised her "The World" w/ him again and she "Fell for it" again for the God knows how many times..shes stayed w/ him through thick and thin..Hoping/ Gambling that he would "Straighten up" so they could be together "For Life" and maybe " Like A Fairy Tale"..She knew that would not be "chalked up " to its "Meaning" for Life is "never a fairy tale"..."Life is never perfect"..Life should be full of happiness, through the good, bad, and the ugly times..and full of meaningness, for if it has no "meaningness" then what is there of life in itself"??, Emptiness and Lonliness is what it becomes..Thats when "Cheating", "Defensiveness" , "Abuse "whether its Verbally, mental, physical, and spiritual..happens..and that becomes the downfall of devestation..to the relationship..He lied over and over to her..keeping secrets..hidden bank accounts in his name, had a deal w/ his parents whom didnt like her in the first place since them getting together..stealing money from his family, not taking the responsibilities that lie w/ his family, via getting a job, much less goin out to support..She became pregnant again and then miscarried..To both of them that pregnancy was a shock!! He just "Supported" himself..what he wanted..and when he wanted he was nice and loving to her..But if she couldnt "provide" Material items for him..then he would find them from another" till he got them.."lost in a Nutshell' He took off on the family and screwed a married girl w/ a family of her own..Its both their faults..as I would put it..He had totally given up on his family of three boys and a wife for all this..other s*** that made himself feel like he "had a purpose" in life when it shouldve been his family...Them two are now goin through a divorce w/ him taking everything materialistic..and not seeing his boys..for twenty five days at a time..So, to tell you the main moral of the "Devestating fairy tale:" There are and is worse out there..to tell and hear..about..you tc/ and hopefully you and her can find that common denomiator..again..;)
No blame game here...simply arrogantly self-stupid observations by a truly hurting me. I deeply love my wife, but her family hurt, and still hurts her so badly that at 50 she has left her third husband, me, (though she says she is coming back) and I know why she is so messed up, but her inner demons won't even allow us to talk about it. We have good insurance and have been in therapy for a while, but she is so charming she fools the therapist (s). I am not perfect. I have problems. I am a good man. I am strong. I have been hurt and alone in the world like so many others. I am a fool who sees the folly in this world too well at times. I have been loyal and fought great, great battles to save my wife's life physically for over 7 years. Now, I now am powerless to solve my wife's one great illness...a fragile soul. She watched her bio father beat her mother for 2 1/2 years. Her mother left her with an emotionally empty and abusive grandmother for four more years. Her mother and step-father treated her well, but never really the same as her half-siblings. She played basketball and was on the dance team in high school, working to pay for the uniforms, camp fees, and the like. When she married too young, her mother disowned her because the boy was black (I know him. Good guy, problems too though like all of us.) After a few years, my wife divorced him after he began cheating because her expectations were so unrealistically high that she cut him off, like her mother "punished her to teach her a lesson." She became sarcastic, demeaning, disrespectful and stopped the cariños (she's a South-Texas Mèxicaña) in and out of the bed. He has gone on to be an attorney and a junior college president. In her early 20's she's back in South Texas at a university studying, living, having 20 something lovers, mostly naval officers in flight school, while avoiding anything close to responsibility to or for others. ( It's ironic, we lived one building away from each other then and went to the same college at the same time) She had lots of girl friends but was so lonely and hurting inside she quit life and her professional job and moved to Austin in her early thirties. Worked as a state auditor, suffered as she partied away, found God, found husband 2, not a nice guy...but not that bad either...resentfulness, irresponsiblity crept in while pretending to herself to be responsible...cuts him off like #1 and he cheats after she leaves him, and she blames him for everything. Divorce. Along comes me, also divorced from my 1st after a 20 year marriage and 3 kids. This time we live two doors and a stairwell away from each other. I offered to and helped her move a sofa to her apartment with another neighbor. I wanted to get to know her, but thought it would be to creepy to knock on her door and ask her out. One year later she knocks at my door with a petition trying to get the drug dealing kids next to her evicted...I sign...give phone #...next day same kids are threatening her...I rushed over and made kids behave respectful as they move out...scared them (I was a soldier and street urchin in the hood back in the day). It's summer, she's a teacher and beautiful. I'm a teacher and thinks she's cute...we play tennis, hike, bike, fall in love...marry a year and half after I convince her I'm decent...I had to show my credit report, back-ground check, hire mariachi's, learn Spanish better to talk to her older relatives, prove I was tamed Tiger...I'm a bolillo (white-boy) who lived and fought in the tough hispanic streets of south and west San Antonio and raised myself alone literally (dad and mom slipped away one at a time) since I was 14, but who got to go to college (GI Bill) anyway. She was afraid I'd leave her and cheat. I fought to get her. And now I'm fighting to keep her and not be # 3. She's at her parents right now because I'm driving her "crazy" because I want to talk about taking care of our future. I'm an English teacher by choice, a romantic by calling, and one lean, mean earning machine with an MBA who has made some damn lucky investments over the years, am only four years away from a full, paid retirement, and live in a state that is paying for me to attend a great law school part-time (being a soldier and staying alive was good to me)... what a great life...problem is the woman I love always runs away from responsibility...yeah, she ran away from Austin after about 8 years too, and every time she ran she financed it with her retirement money. She is 50, has no money, not enough time to actually earn a retirement from teaching like I have, or earn more in a second career like I hope, and I am willing to (and do) finance independent retirement accounts for her, but she is running away from me because she is insecure and afraid that after law school and some young cutie thang will seduce me away. She is unable, and I mean unable to talk about any real issue honestly, no she is not a liar, just supremely avoidant. I'm rambling forgive me. I worked at bringing her family back together, but I did not know they had isoloated everyone in the world due to some great unknown fear that I think comes out of the past (her family suffered greatly during the Mexican Revolution of the early 1900's...great depravity occurred...war really is hell...my wife's family won't answer their front door, answer the phone until after a message is left, and is flat broke because like her they won't think about the now or the future because of whatever ghosts haunt them from the past...they think I'm crazy because I'm not afraid to negotiate with repairmen, tell street thugs to keep their distance, or because I challenge religious frauds. I can not let the world hurt me. I would have died a long time ago. And, I have three children, and I thought a wife, to shepard. And now she has run away from me for the third time...and every time it is the day I must take my children home after a longish vistitation. And, they love her, she loves them, but she can't love too much or she gets so damn afraid she won't answer the telephone of life and slams the door of love. It's driving me insane. Help! Help! Help! How do I live with a woman who can't love too long without resenting getting loved, or won't think about her future, or won't make love to me anymore even though I'm a giving, faithful lover...a woman who has run away from me because she has been running away from herself her entire adulthood to keep the dad who beat her mom out of her mind, to keep the mom who refused to feed her when she asked at 23 yrs old out of her mind as punishment because she married a black man, who ran away from another man and his children because, because, because, she runs away.... I'm empty I survived incredible evil as a child, endured and still suffer the from the evil of war, lived after my three babies were ripped from me by divorce, fought arrogant and ignorant doctors like hell to keep this woman I cherish alive, but..............I can't fight this demon inside her that is tearing me apart and creating a void in my soul that I think will never go away if she stays away like she has the other two husbands and other lovers before me. I never knew agape love before my first daughter was born. In fact I think my first wife left me because I don't think I could love at all back then. Now, I love my lover and best friend like I'll never be able to love again... She tells me I talk too much. She yells for me to "Stop Yelling!!!" when I whisper I love her after trying to explain to her calmly that...Yes, she really does need to know where the natural gas cut-off valve is in this beautiful house of ours. She tells me I'm crazy as she breaks the beautiful things we have collected during our travels. She has left me because "You are driving me crazy!!! It's your sanity or mine. Why do you have to talk about things? Why can't we just love each other like my folks? We don't need to talk!" She lies about herself to the therapists and to herself. I love her. I'm not cheating. I found my soulmate, but the devil found her first. I'm a teacher of English, forgive my lack of brevity, my sloppy style, my non-proofing, Faulkner -esque stream-of-bullsh*t. As she pleads, I'll stop talking. Ladies, please...how do I make her come back and stay with me until we die together like in the books I must read?
Marriage & Divorce - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
you're such a nice guy for some bondaged- unwilling- to- be- released pretty gal. forget about her looks & let others love you like you deserved.
2 :
What a shame she doesn't realize what a wonderful, loving, caring man she has/had. I cannot begin to advise you about a woman with so many issues. It must be extremely frustrating for you honey. All I can offer is my best wishes for you and your family.
3 :
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I read that WHOLE thing and I don't know what to say, but after havign read it all I feel obligated to say something. Sounds like you are smothering her maybe a bit too much, expecting things of her that are important to you, but not her. Take it easy, do as she says and relax. Yeah she should know things like how to turn off the natural gas, but really, how many women know how to do that and strive to actually learn things like that? So once you get her back actually stop all the talking and maybe start listening to her. Stop sweating the small stuff. You guys are in your 50's you say? A little late in the game for her to make any real lifestyle changes about the way she thinks so your ONLY option is to cater to her way of thinking....that is if you want to keep her. She sounds very stubborn but like I said, you're not going to change her, you can only meet her at least halfway which is all that is expected in any relationship. Good luck to you Sir.
4 :
I do feel for you, For one thing life isnt a "Fairy Tale", and two, Relationships arent ever, ever perfect..you are her third husband from what I understand....She wasnt over her first, or her second to begin w/, nor did she "Have a self"..In order to have a relationship w/ anyone you need to "Have self worth"..There also needs to be Communication...Key Word to any relationship..I have this friend..She was in a relationship/Married to her second husband for goin on twelve years, together w/ him for thirteen..They were together through thick and thin,..then a tragedy happened..They bought their first real home..she was pregnant five and a half mos w/ their second Son, He worked two jobs, He worked his ass off for his family through all of the marriage, until they were both faced that he had to have a spinal fusion(back surgery) done..one month after their true first home loan closed..It was the start of a "Total Devastation" that would be the fallout of their thirteen year relationship almost five years later..Hes now hopped up on pills for pain that might be, or might not be there.He also went into deep depression when he had to have another spinal fusion a year later from another disc blowing, and having his motherinlaw move in, and help w/ the children...She bore his third son in May of 07, almost lost her life to Eclampsia a week after giving birth to him..almost lost their sons life during her labor..the whole entire time of about three years, and more he cheated on her via internet, in a virtual reality world, and who knows how many physically now..He made a deal w/ her..saying that they could have a "Internet business" together..promised her "The World" w/ him again and she "Fell for it" again for the God knows how many times..shes stayed w/ him through thick and thin..Hoping/ Gambling that he would "Straighten up" so they could be together "For Life" and maybe " Like A Fairy Tale"..She knew that would not be "chalked up " to its "Meaning" for Life is "never a fairy tale"..."Life is never perfect"..Life should be full of happiness, through the good, bad, and the ugly times..and full of meaningness, for if it has no "meaningness" then what is there of life in itself"??, Emptiness and Lonliness is what it becomes..Thats when "Cheating", "Defensiveness" , "Abuse "whether its Verbally, mental, physical, and spiritual..happens..and that becomes the downfall of devestation..to the relationship..He lied over and over to her..keeping secrets..hidden bank accounts in his name, had a deal w/ his parents whom didnt like her in the first place since them getting together..stealing money from his family, not taking the responsibilities that lie w/ his family, via getting a job, much less goin out to support..She became pregnant again and then miscarried..To both of them that pregnancy was a shock!! He just "Supported" himself..what he wanted..and when he wanted he was nice and loving to her..But if she couldnt "provide" Material items for him..then he would find them from another" till he got them.."lost in a Nutshell' He took off on the family and screwed a married girl w/ a family of her own..Its both their faults..as I would put it..He had totally given up on his family of three boys and a wife for all this..other s*** that made himself feel like he "had a purpose" in life when it shouldve been his family...Them two are now goin through a divorce w/ him taking everything materialistic..and not seeing his boys..for twenty five days at a time..So, to tell you the main moral of the "Devestating fairy tale:" There are and is worse out there..to tell and hear..about..you tc/ and hopefully you and her can find that common denomiator..again..;)
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